I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
