Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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