do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
