The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
