sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
