what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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