That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
