We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
send nudes
from the living room?
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