party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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