I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
