your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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