for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
