very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies