I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
