I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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