a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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