Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
