so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
