guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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