epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
