Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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