Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
