Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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