u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
