Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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