He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
