if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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