For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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