Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
