Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
