You work out of a Hotel?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
