I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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