I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
