Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
