he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
