New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I color on your dick again?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
