I can feel you judging me through the phone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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