words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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