I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
