yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
