I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
