Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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