Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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