this beer tastes like vomit already
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize