i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do vagina's smell?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
