I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
