Got a toothbrush?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
