Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize