we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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