Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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