i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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