What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
