went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
