I wanna bring you to show and tell
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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