Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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