You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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