remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
