Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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