new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
