Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
