everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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