so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
