the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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