when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
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Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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