I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
