FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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