you would pick up someone in the library
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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