You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Send help, water and tortillas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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