he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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