and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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