Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
