I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
