I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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