I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
