i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
