where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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