I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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