I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
