and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
