I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
