Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
