were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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