Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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