i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
