fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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