i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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