i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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