if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
