Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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